Cinnamon and Sand
by Raicheru
Summary: Sequel to Sapphire and Sunshine. Months after Naruto returns home from Suna, he's still struggling to cope with what happened. But he's willing to try for Gaara as they try to figure out how their growing relationship will work. But when Gaara is the one who needs his help, nothing else matters except supporting the one person who understands him the most. NarutoXGaara
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone! It's been so long since I've posted anything but I'm ready to try and get back into writing now. We'll see how long I can keep it up while continuing to endure a demanding full time job. Many thanks to everyone that's continued to read and provide encouragement along the way. I enjoy feedback if you're inclined to let me know what you think but it's okay if you're just happy reading too.

This is the sequel to Sapphire and Sunshine. You don't have to read that one first, it's completely up to you. But there are a lot of references to the first story in this one and this one will probably make more sense if you do.

**This story contains male x male relationships and intimacy. **If that doesn't interest you, please find something else to do with your time. And if you're actually looking for a lot of lemons or smut, you might not be as interested either. It's in here but I find myself more interested in the relationship itself than focusing on sex.

Cinnamon and Sand- 1

My name is Naruto Uzumaki and I am going to be Hokage. Most people used to laugh when they heard me say that. It seemed so ridiculous to them. I'd been nothing but a reminder of what Kyuubi had done to the village and I think they were afraid that I'd do the same thing if I ever got angry enough. Mostly they considered me a nuisance and I was just barely tolerated so I spent most of my life alone. I got a little desperate for attention and bad attention was better than none at all. I think I knew that even when I was little, at least on some level. But I wanted someone to acknowledge that I was there, that I was worth something. At the very least, I wanted to know that I was allowed to exist. But nobody ever told me what I wanted or needed to hear so I had to believe in myself because nobody else would.

It took years for anything to really change. But now the village was finally starting to believe in me in ways they never had before. Of course, most of them still didn't really take me completely seriously, but I couldn't really blame them. What had started out as a desperate attempt to get attention had turned into an honest love of pranks and humor in general. The world was way too serious most of the time. The only drawback to my behavior is that people tend to think I'm an idiot. My grades hadn't been all that great and my attention wandered too easily. But that was because long, boring explanations about techniques and chakra theory usually put me to sleep. That didn't mean I was stupid.

Of course, that was really hard to prove when Tsunade wouldn't give me any damned missions. Or at least not any good ones. It was all D and C rank stuff that I used to handle when I was still a kid. Half of the time I didn't even get to leave the village which was ridiculous. How was I supposed to learn when I never got a chance to _do_ anything? When I went to Tsunade's office the other day to complain, she yelled and tried to kick me out. I think she was about to literally kick me out the window and I was preparing myself to make it really hard for her. But Kakashi Sensei came in and snagged the back of my jacket so he could drag me out the door before she got the chance.

He and Tsunade kept giving me stupid reasons why they weren't letting me go anywhere or do anything. I wasn't an invalid and I didn't need to be babied. Ever since I'd come home from Suna, everybody was treating me like I was fragile and I hated it. Right now Kakashi was off doing something with Yamato Taichou, Sakura was training at the hospital, and Sai was doing. . .something. It seemed like everybody was on a mission. So I was left alone. As usual. I usually spent the time training because it was better than sitting around doing nothing. Doing nothing led to thinking and thinking led to thoughts I didn't really want to think about. So I tried to keep myself busy as much as possible.

Training by myself hadn't been so bad at first but it was getting harder and harder to keep going on my own. Shadow clones were only so useful. Sparring was always so much better with an opponent that wasn't yourself but everybody was busy with missions. I dodged as one of my clones leapt in my direction and tried to land a hit. The move was easy to read and it was simple to shift out of the way. I knew all my own moves so I just ended up fighting myself to a standstill. I wasn't allowed to work on any jutsu that was actually a challenge by myself because Kyuubi might come out. Yamato Taichou needed to be there to keep that from happening. It irritated me but it really was too risky and I knew better than to work on that kind of stuff on my own. Like I said, I'm not stupid. But that didn't make it any less frustrating.

With a growl of aggravation, I kicked the clone in front of me, making it disappear in a small puff of smoke. I was done with this. Raising my hands, I released the Jutsu to get rid of the other twenty duplicates I'd created. The transition made me twitch a little but I shook it off and tried to figure out what to do next. The sun was high now and it was starting to get warm so I unzipped my jacket to cool off a little. As I tugged the fabric open, my fingers brushed against one of the necklaces I wore and I let out a long sigh.

I missed Gaara so much.

It had been almost four months since I'd seen him. Just when we started to figure out how we really felt about each other, I had to leave Suna and go home. But not before Gaara had given me a pendant made of a special chakra stone that was attuned to him. If he raised his chakra, it glowed and I could feel his touch. Closing my fingers around the smooth, round stone, I sighed again. Gaara wore one just like it that was attuned to me. Unfortunately, the distance from here to Suna was a little too far away for them to work. When we'd tested the range on my trip home, I stopped getting a response about the time I'd crossed over into Fire Country. It was a little disappointing that we couldn't reach out unless we were close but the necklace still meant a lot to me.

I really wished I could see him. Just for a little bit. He was the only person in my life who'd ever actually. . .wanted me. But we hadn't really had a chance to figure out what to do about it yet. We both had responsibilities that kept us away from each other most of the time. It wasn't fair. Even though I knew he wouldn't be able to feel it, I reached out and raised my chakra. The stone in my hand started to get warm and I nearly jumped. I felt my eyes widen as I tried to calm down. It had to be my imagination. Gaara was in Suna. It was way too far away for the stone to work, but the red glow bathed me in the warmth of his chakra and made my breath catch.

"No way," I breathed quietly, trying to keep the hope welling up my chest from overwhelming me. "Is he coming to Konoha?"

"Actually, I arrived late this morning."

I whirled around to see Gaara standing in the shade of a nearby tree. My heart sped up a little. Part of me was afraid that he was just an illusion, that he'd disappear the moment I touched him. But the rest of me wasn't listening as I immediately ran over and jumped on him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist, and showered his face with kisses. He seemed a little startled at first but he didn't move away. Instead, he locked his arms around my back as I kissed his lips really hard.

"I missed you so much," I murmured breathlessly when I finally let him up for air. I couldn't believe he was actually here in Konoha. There was a warmth building up inside me just from being this close to him. But there was something nagging at the back of my mind that seemed to be missing. I pulled back a little and blinked a few times when I realized what it was. I'd just thrown myself bodily at Gaara and met no resistance at all. Ordinarily, his sand would rise up to immediately to block any incoming attacks. But his gourd was propped up against the tree and there was no sand in sight.

"Is something wrong?" he asked me as he tilted his head curiously.

"Uh, no. Just. . .no sand. I should have hit a wall or something, right?"

His lips twitched up at the corners. Seeing Gaara smile was the best thing in the world even if it was just a little quirk of his mouth. He tightened his arms around me. "My defense responds to threats. You are merely. . .enthusiastic." His expression softened as his fingers flexed against my lower back. "I don't think it will ever rise against you." His voice lowered a little bit and sounded kind of shy. "It's never done that for anyone else."

I almost wondered why but I guess it was pretty obvious. Gaara had spent most of his life never letting anyone close to him. I was probably the first one who'd ever really touched him in any way. Unhooking my legs, I slowly lowered myself and slid down the front of his body. His breath got a little shallow before he squeezed me tight and leaned forward to press his face into my neck. The scent of cinnamon and sand washed over me and I inhaled deeply. It settled me in a way I hadn't expected and the agitation I'd been feeling lately gradually faded away.

"I've missed you too." Gaara's words were muffled against the collar of my jacket. He sighed heavily but didn't let go. "But I've got a meeting I'm supposed to be attending right now."

I tried to push down my disappointment but it was really hard. I was so happy to see him and now he had to leave again. "How long will it take?"

"I'll be busy all afternoon." He pulled back enough to look me in the eye and his expression was a little sheepish. "But I had to see you first."

I bit my lip and felt myself flush a little. He was the leader of a village with tons of stuff he had to do but he was taking the time to come see me even though he had somewhere else to be. "Will you have any free time while you're here?" With my luck, I'd get a huge mission that would take me out of the village so it wouldn't even matter.

The corners of his mouth turned up in another small smile. "I'll be here for three days for various meetings and consultations. But all of my evenings are my own."

Three days. I immediately wished it was more but it was definitely better than nothing. "We'll have to make the best of it then." I smiled back and kissed him again. He tensed a little in my arms and I almost pulled back but a sudden rustle in the tree above us made me look up sharply. Sai was sitting on one of the lower branches watching us with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Maybe you really are a girl after all, Naruto," he said.

"You. . .!" My muscles bunched as I prepared to leap up and knock him on his ass but Gaara's fingers gripped the back of my jacket and held me still.

"So easily provoked," Sai murmured to me before bowing his head slightly at Gaara. "Good afternoon, Kazekage-sama."

Gaara nodded in return. "Sai." He was calm and relaxed again and I wondered if he'd noticed we had company before I did. I had thought he was getting uncomfortable but maybe he was just shy.

"Kankuro was looking for you," Sai continued. "He said the meeting was about to start."

I felt another flush of warmth. Not only had Gaara put off a meeting to come see me, he'd snuck away from his brother to do it.

"Thank you," Gaara told him. "Please tell him I will be there shortly." Gaara had always been really polite, even when he'd been younger and much scarier. But it fit him more now. He always seemed calm and composed even when he was under a lot of stress. In a way, I was actually a little envious that he could pull that off. Whenever I was under pressure, I tended to get loud and mouthy which didn't do much except piss other people off.

Sai nodded again before leaping off the branch and heading into the village. But he didn't bother to apologize for being a jerk.

"If he makes one more crack about me being a girl, I swear. . ." I let the threat hang in the air.

"He's struggling to find a way to connect with the people around him," Gaara said absently as he watched him go. "It may not be completely successful, but he's trying."

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it again. I'd never really thought of it that way. Sai had always been strange and I'd hated him when we first met. Things had definitely gotten better between us since then, but every once in a while he'd do something that would piss me off all over again. His favorite way seemed to be questioning my masculinity. It was strange to think of it as him trying to _connect_ to me.

"Does he even realize that he's being a total ass when he does that?"

"Possibly. I believe he's trying to gauge your reaction to what he says. He may not always be trying for a positive one." Gaara hugged me again before letting go. "I need to go, but I will see you later this evening."

"It's a date then." I grinned kind of stupidly but I couldn't help it. My irritation with Sai was already mostly forgotten. I was going on a date with Gaara. "I'll treat you to Ichiraku."

Gaara seemed amused but not surprised. Of course, nobody who knew me would be. What can I say? I love ramen. We walked back into the village together but we didn't really say anything. There so many questions that could have been asked and things we could have discussed. But I don't think either of us wanted to get into anything without being able to finish right now. For me, I was just happy he was here. And I really, really wanted to hold his hand. But this whole thing between us was still really new and I wasn't sure if it would be okay or not. Throwing myself at him and kissing him senseless when we were alone was one thing. Hanging onto him like some lovesick girl with a crush was another.

Up ahead, I could see Kankuro waiting outside the Hokage Tower with Temari. Sai stood off to one side watching them curiously. Gaara's siblings seemed agitated and they both glared at us when we showed up, but their expressions shifted more towards mild amusement when they saw me. I knew they weren't really mad or anything. They were just a little uptight about their jobs. I think both of them needed to relax a little bit.

Kankuro let out the breath he seemed to have been holding. "I'd ask where you've been but I guess I don't have to." His expression softened under the face paint as he looked at me. "How have you been, Naruto?"

"Um," The question caught me a little off guard. He sounded strangely sincere, like he really wanted to know and I still wasn't really used to that. "I'm fine," I said automatically. But I wasn't really fine. Not by a long-shot. There was always way too much time for me to think these days and way too many things to think about. But it wasn't something I was going to talk about. Not here. Not now.

"We're going to be late if we don't get going," Temari said. She didn't sound angry or anything but she was still pretty insistent.

Gaara's shoulder brushed mine as he passed. "I will see you later this evening."

"Okay." I felt that foolish grin on my face again and the worries that had started to grow with Kankuro's question faded into the background again. "Later." I watched them go inside and wondered what I was going to do with myself for the rest of the afternoon. I was so happy that Gaara was here and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to concentrate on anything.

"I was watching you train earlier, Naruto," Sai said. He was sitting on the short wall that ran around the tower and he was watching me closely. "It wasn't all that impressive."

His eyes were mostly closed and he had that weird fake smile on his face again. Like he was laughing at some secret joke that I didn't get. I bristled immediately and my lip curled thinking that he was trying to insult me. But I remembered what Gaara had said and forced myself to relax. "You think you can do any better?" I asked him as I crossed my arms.

"Oh, most certainly," Sai said, his faint smile never wavering. "Perhaps I could give you a few pointers."

I really couldn't tell if he was trying to piss me off or if he really wanted to help. Honestly, I hadn't really been able to get into the training alone earlier so I hadn't been at my best. And I'd been complaining to myself that I had nobody to train with. Maybe this was the perfect opportunity to get something done. I'd always been curious about what Sai could do.

"Only if you can keep up." With a smirk, I took off for the training grounds. I didn't even need to see Sai to know that he was keeping pace with me through the trees. This could be interesting.

. . . . . . . .

A few hours later I was covered in bruises and ink, but the training had actually been pretty good despite the handful of insulting remarks Sai had thrown my way. I hadn't really fought him seriously since the first day we met when he attacked me. It turned out he was pretty good and I'd never seen anyone use the kind of techniques that he did. It had been challenging in a way I hadn't expected and I felt that good, achy-tired that came from actual progress. But I was pretty dirty and I really needed a shower before dinner with Gaara.

As I turned the key in the lock on my door and went inside, I realized that I should probably clean up my apartment too if he was going to visit. It was kind of a mess right now. It wasn't completely filthy or anything but there were clothes on the floor, scrolls and books piled haphazardly on every surface, and some empty ramen cups in the kitchen that needed to be thrown away.

But the shower came first. Stripping out of my clothes, I rinsed most of the ink out of the fabric in the tub before dropping the whole mess in the bathroom sink to deal with later. Then I stepped under the hot spray to wash myself. I was worried that I'd be covered in black smudges for the next week but it seemed to be coming off pretty easily. When I finished, I wrapped a towel around my waist and went out into the kitchen to make a cup of noodles. We were going to Ichiraku later but I was starving now and I needed a snack. I was hungry enough that I'd definitely still have room for the good stuff.

But when I plugged in the electric teapot to heat up the water, the lights flickered with a power surge that made the wall socket spark. The current traveled up my right arm and down my left to where my hand was resting on the sink. My heart skipped a beat and my breath caught painfully in my throat. One of the kitchen chairs clattered to the floor as I stumbled back. When I finally hit the wall, I slid down to sit on the floor as my whole body shook while I fought just to breathe. I couldn't see the apartment anymore. The shock had thrown me back into a memory that I'd been struggling to forget.

The sound of a thousand birds was roaring in my head and it was dark except for the flickering light of Chidori. I would have screamed but I couldn't draw the breath to make a sound. The sharp, vibrating pain tore at my body and left me twitching in the aftermath. I couldn't get away from it. It was always there. It felt like a part of me would always be in that room being torn apart and put back together over and over. I thought I heard a knocking sound somewhere in the background, and maybe someone calling my name but I wasn't sure. I tried to respond but all that came out was a pathetic whimper.

And then Gaara was there.

"Naruto," he murmured as he placed his hands gently on my shoulders. "Are you alright?"

I looked up at him with wide eyes. Everything was so much harder now than it had been before but I hadn't really talked about it with anyone. Nobody knew what had happened to me all those months ago and it was going to stay that way as long as I could manage. I know that other people had noticed that things weren't quite right with me but when they asked, I always told them that I was fine. But looking into Gaara's eyes, I knew I couldn't lie to him.

"No." I swallowed hard. "No, I'm not alright." I sniffed as my eyes started to burn. "But I don't know what to do about it." The pain and the memory were already starting to fade, leaving nothing but emotion in their wake.

Sitting down next to me on the floor, Gaara took my hand and carefully uncurled my fingers of my right hand where they'd clenched into a tight fist. He used a healing jutsu on the electrical burn that I hadn't even noticed. I felt the warm wash of his chakra and finally started to relax a little bit. I hadn't realized how tight and locked my muscles had gotten until they started to let go. Now I felt a little foolish. My whole body was trembling from the adrenaline crash and I was trying really hard not to cry.

Gaara put his arm around me and I leaned against him with my head on his shoulder. He didn't say anything and I was grateful. He wasn't trying to make to me talk about it and he wasn't saying things just to make me feel better. He was just there. With very few exceptions, I'd never really had anyone to lean on like this. Iruka Sensei had been the first to let me create a bond and show me that not everyone hated me. Kakashi Sensei was a great mentor and he'd helped me train to be a better ninja. Yamato Taichou was honest with me and worked on helping control the power that tried to overwhelm me. Tsunade Baa-chan treated me like a person instead of weapon and she really believed in me. Sai and Sakura backed me up and supported me.

But Gaara was the only one who really understood what I needed.

He'd once apologized because he didn't think he was very good at taking care of me. But that wasn't true. He'd found me beaten and battered in the desert after the one person I'd cared about most had tried to destroy me. He'd given me space while I healed and then pushed me when I really needed it. I'm not sure I could have gotten through it without him. Sighing, I sank into him and he rested his cheek on my wet hair.

"You haven't been sleeping," he murmured. It wasn't a question. I should have figured that he'd notice.

"No, I haven't." I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept a whole night through. My natural stamina helped keep the fatigue from being too overwhelming but it was always there now. I didn't have nightmares every single night but when I did, they were bad. The rest of the time, it was just hard to lay there in the dark all alone. I tried to take my mind off it with training and work but the lack of missions was frustrating. It was like nobody thought I could handle myself anymore. I wasn't even allowed to try.

Gaara pressed a gentle kiss to my hair and stroked his fingers attentively down my arm before helping me to my feet. He led me into the bedroom and sat me down on the bed where he finished toweling my body dry and dressed me in a clean pair of boxers. I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling of his fingers rubbing through the towel as he dried my hair. There was a strange sense of intimacy even though it was such a simple thing. When I'd first seen Gaara earlier this afternoon, I'd immediately wanted him in bed. That was part of what I'd missed and there were nights lying alone in my room that I tried to imagine and remember what it felt like. I wanted to touch and be touched. But right now I just wanted to be close, to make that emotional connection that was so much more important than any physical sensation.

Tugging on his jacket, I pulled him closer so he was standing between my knees where I sat on the edge of the bed. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on tight.

"Just stay with me," I whispered.

Gaara smoothed a few damp strands of hair off my forehead and settled down on the bed with me without saying a word. It was much smaller than his but that just meant we were closer. I wrapped myself around him and rested my head on his shoulder. He'd stripped out of his coat and pants so I felt the heat of his bare skin against my own. His hand was rubbing gentle circles on my back and I found myself relaxing more than I had in a long time. It got harder to keep my eyes open and they slipped closed before I realized it.

. . . . . . .

I woke to the smell of food cooking which made me pry my eyes open. I was alone in my room but I could hear someone moving around in the apartment. Dragging myself out of bed, I pulled on a shirt and padded down the hall to see Gaara in my kitchen cooking eggs. The sight seemed so utterly strange that I nearly pinched myself. My brow furrowed as I stared at the pan. The eggs smelled fantastic but I hadn't bought any recently.

"Um. . .if those are from my fridge, we probably shouldn't eat them," I said uncertainly.

"Good morning." Gaara turned from what he was doing and looked at me for a moment. Seemingly satisfied with what he saw, he went back to the stove. "Don't worry, these are fresh. They're from you neighbor downstairs."

My brows rose and nearly disappeared up into my hair. "My neighbor?" I wasn't sure why he would give me anything. Usually the people who lived in my building yelled at me to keep it down when I trained in my room late at night.

"He said he wanted to thank you for helping his niece."

I raised a brow and wracked my brain to figure out who he was talking about. But I just couldn't remember. I helped a lot of people whenever I could but nothing specific came to mind.

"I don't remember. . ."

"He said the next time she sends him cookies, he promised to save you some," Gaara said with a small smile.

When it hit me, my eyes widened. "Oh, yeah. There was this group of bandits that was raiding a town up in the northwest. Me and my team flushed them out." That had been a while ago. It hadn't been a very challenging mission but it made the townspeople really happy and kept anybody from getting hurt. And those cookies had been really good. I'd have to thank my neighbor when I got the chance even if I wasn't quite sure how to do it without feeling stupid.

"He also said he'll fix your lock today."

"My lock? What's wrong with it?"

I backtracked to the hallway and craned my neck around the doorframe to take a look at the front door. There was a hole where the doorknob used to be. The knob itself lay on the floor next to the twisted latch plate and the whole frame had been sealed shut with a layer of sand to keep it closed.

"What the. . .did you _break in _last night?" I didn't really remember Gaara coming into my apartment last night. He'd just kind of been there when I needed him.

"I heard you outside and you sounded. . .distressed," he said carefully. "So I let myself in." Gaara returned my baffled gaze with a calm look. "Had I thought you were in danger, I would have kicked it down completely." He held my eyes long enough to let me know he really meant it before turning back to the stove again. There was a warm feeling that settled in my chest which was nice but at the same time it made me a little flustered.

"Thanks," I mumbled. I sat at the kitchen table as Gaara set a plate of eggs and fruit and a glass of milk down in front of me. There was a lump forming in my throat. I don't think that anyone had ever actually cooked for me before when it wasn't in a restaurant. Gaara sat across from me with his own plate. He was already dressed for the day which reminded me that he wasn't here just for a visit.

"So, do you have a bunch of meetings and stuff today too?" I asked in a lame attempt to redirect my thoughts and avoid talking about last night.

"Yes. We're discussing the location of the Chunin Exams. I'm hoping that we can hold them in Suna this year."

The Chunin Exams. That's when I first met Gaara. It was also when everything changed but not in the way I'd expected. I still hadn't taken the exams myself yet so I was technically a Genin. The thought made me frown into my eggs.

"Is something wrong?"

I looked up to see Gaara giving me a mildly worried look.

"Ah, no." I didn't want him to think that the exams shouldn't be held in his village. It was my own issues I was having a problem with. "I think that's a really cool idea. Do you guys have a creepy forest filled with giant snakes too?"

His lips twitched in that small smile again. "No. But we have a challenging area that is comparable."

I wondered briefly what it was like but that wasn't really what I wanted to know. Huffing an irritable breath, I put my fork down. "Did they make you Chunin right after we took the exam?"

Gaara took a moment before he answered. "Not immediately, no. My progression as a shinobi has not exactly been standard." He didn't sound angry but I could tell he wasn't really happy about it. "There was a lot of recovery and restructuring after what happened. I spent four months in the regular ranks without my siblings as a Genin before the council promoted me directly to Jonin. And then I was made Kazekage a couple of months before the Akatsuki came to Suna." Shaking his head as if shaking off a memory, he looked at me again. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm the only one in my class who's still a Genin." It came out as a whine but I couldn't quite help it. The whole thing really bothered me and I don't think I'd realized just how much until that moment. "I think I'm way past that point now but I don't even have team to take the exams again."

"Would you like me to speak with Tsunade?"

I immediately shook my head. "No. This is something that I need to do on my own."

It wasn't that I didn't appreciate his help. I loved that he was thinking about me and I knew he really would do it. But I couldn't let Gaara fight my battles. That would almost be worse than not getting what I wanted at all. Even as I had that thought, I was reminded about last night. How would I have handled that if he hadn't shown up when he did? I hadn't really been hurt that badly, physically speaking, and the wound was already healed. The emotions had also faded until they were just an uncomfortable memory. But they were still there in the back of my mind and the thought of remembering them completely made me a little nervous.

Gaara reached across the table and took my hand. I gripped his fingers and took a deep breath as I let the connection ground me again. I'd figure it out. Somehow.

. . . . . . .

A/N: Writing from Naruto's point of view is so much harder than writing for Gaara. There's a fine balance between making his thoughts sound like him and making him sound like a moron. The first few chapters of this story have been sitting around on my computer for almost a year and this is the first time I've been remotely happy with them. I'll have to see if I can keep pushing myself to keep producing new chapters so I can finish it.


	2. Chapter 2

Cinnamon and Sand- 2

While Gaara went off to negotiate with Tsunade and the council, I scrubbed my apartment from top to bottom. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I'd done it so it was probably way overdue. I even took care of my plant that was starting to get a little wilty because I didn't always remember to water it. Housecleaning wasn't something that I enjoyed which was pretty obvious by how cluttered things had gotten. But now at least I wouldn't be embarrassed to have Gaara over at my place anymore.

The only thing that made me pause was the electric kettle sitting on the kitchen counter. Gaara hadn't been able to have tea this morning because it had gotten zapped last night during the power surge. But that wasn't all that was bothering me, and the memories were threatening to well up from where I'd buried them. How was I going to cope? Would every little electric shock send me into a panic? What if Kakashi used Chidori during a fight? What would I do then? There were no answers to those questions that wouldn't dredge up painful thoughts and memories and I wasn't quite sure I was ready to deal with them. Yet. I'd have to. I knew I'd have to eventually. Jut not right now.

But it was just a kettle. I wasn't going to let an inanimate object have that much control over me. Sighing, I emptied out the water and tossed the whole thing in the garbage. The plastic plug was a blackened and it was probably a lost cause but replacing it wouldn't be too much of a problem. I felt the heft of my wallet where it sat in my pocket. I honestly didn't spend much of my money so saving wasn't hard. Sticking my hand into my pocket, I squeezed the leather frog purse and smiled. Gaara had given it to me when my last one self destructed.

He was always giving me things which both flustered and pleased me at the same time. I wasn't used to receiving gifts. I needed to do something for him but I wasn't quite sure what yet. I'd have to do some thinking to come up with something. Taking one last look around, I was relatively satisfied with the results of the morning's work. The only thing I wished for a was a bigger bed which made me smile again. We'd make do.

After I was finished, I headed out to the training grounds again. I needed to move, to stretch out the kinks and burn away what was left of the memories from the night before. I couldn't let what had happened to me in the past shape my future in a way that would keep me from reaching my dreams. But even thinking all of that, I found myself heading to place I hadn't visited since I came back from training with Pervy Sage. It was the place where Team Seven had come together for the very first time. The training ground was empty of people but it was full of memories.

I walked over to the three wooden posts that stood at the edge of the clearing. We'd become a team here. How had it gone so wrong? How could Sasuke go from a teammate that shared his lunch with me to what he'd become now? I'd tried so hard to bring him home because I was convinced that he could be saved. But now I wasn't so sure. I didn't understand him anymore. I didn't really know what he wanted and I wasn't sure what lines he would be willing to cross. A while back, I'd gone on a solo mission for the first time ever. Konoha had been short handed at the time and I was excited that I would finally be able to show Tsunade what I could do on my own. But on my way home, Sasuke had attacked and captured me.

And during those painful, agonizing days as his prisoner. . . he tried to break me.

After Sasuke was finished, he'd dumped me outside the gates of Konoha like a piece of trash. Part of the emotional torture he'd inflicted on me had been a Genjutsu vision that made me think that the entire village had been watching him abuse me while they did nothing to stop it. I'd felt so unsafe and ashamed that I'd run away. I'd run to Suna, to Gaara. He found me in the desert and brought me back to his village so I could heal. I'm not sure what would have happened if it had been anyone else.

"You look a little lost in thought. That's not like you, Naruto."

I turned my head to see Kakashi standing at the edge of the clearing. He must have finished whatever he was doing with Yamato Taichou early because I hadn't expected him back until the end of the week. He was leaning against a tree with one hand in his pocket and a book in the other. I wondered idly if it was Pervy Sage's new one or if he was re-reading one of the others. I couldn't even get through even one of them and I always wondered how he could read them over and over so many times. Shrugging, I looked back towards the posts and the shadows that lingered there.

"Just have a lot to think about, I guess." That was kind of a vague answer and he deserved more than that. Kakashi had been my team leader, he'd been my mentor. And sometimes he'd just been my friend. But I wasn't quite sure where to start.

"There's been a lot going on," he said quietly.

That was certainly the truth. The last few years had been so busy with world shaking events happening nearly every day. And they were never really things that I wanted to happen.

"Will I be able to take the Chunin Exams this year?" I blurted suddenly. That wasn't really been what I'd been thinking and I knew I was changing the subject. Kakashi didn't really know what had happened when I'd disappeared for a week. Nobody knew except for Gaara and I really wasn't ready to talk about it. I wasn't sure if I ever would be. But now that the subject of the exams was out there, I really wanted to know.

"Hmmm." Kakashi breathed in and let it out slowly like he was thinking about it. When he closed the book softly and put it in his pouch, I knew he was really listening. "Entrance into the exams requires a team of three."

"So how did Sakura do it? And Sai. Did he even take them?"

"Sakura teamed up with Choji and Ino since Shikamaru had already passed. And as for Sai, you'll have to ask him yourself."

I huffed a breath and kicked at a clump of grass. He probably wouldn't tell me even if I did ask. But I wasn't going to let this go because it was way too important. How would I ever become Hokage if I was still a Genin? It sounded like I was going to have to find a couple of other people to team up with. I didn't like the idea of working with a bunch of younger kids but I'd do whatever I had to.

"Are there any teams that need another member this time around?" I asked him, trying not to sound too hopeful.

Kakashi shook his head. "I'm sorry. You won't be able to enter this year. And you're getting a little old."

"Oh, come _on_." I rounded on him. "Kabuto was totally older than me when he took them with us."

Kakashi's single visible eyebrow rose. "He was also a spy and a traitor. I don't think you want to use him as an example."

"Well I've got to do something. I refuse to stay a Genin forever."

"And nobody said that you had to."

"But you just said-"

"I said you couldn't enter the exams this year. I didn't say you couldn't become Chunin." The skin around Kakashi's eye was crinkling above his mask like it always did when he smiled. Like he was laughing at me. I narrowed my eyes and glared at him.

"So how do I do it? It's not like it could possibly be on merit alone since I can't even leave the damned village anymore." I couldn't help but sound a little bitter about that. There were some people in the village that would keep me cooped up here all the time if they could, especially a couple of the council members. With things the way they were, it was like Danzo was getting his wish.

"I can't even push myself in my training because I need a babysitter to keep Kyuubi from coming out and going crazy." Now that I'd gotten started, I couldn't seem to stop. I pinned Kakashi with a glare. "So tell me. How am I supposed to get stronger if I can't go on missions or train effectively? I'm not weak, dammit!"

"No, you're not."

He came over and put a hand on my shoulder carefully. Like he wasn't sure if I'd shrug him off or not. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I would either. I just felt so angry. I hadn't really seen Kakashi much in the last few months and I couldn't even remember the last time I'd seen Jiraiya. It was starting to make me feel neglected and I just couldn't deal with being ignored again. Not after I'd come so far. My body started to shake and I took an unsteady breath. Was this leftover emotion from last night when I freaked out? Was it the memories of this place? Or was it just because I'd finally had enough of all of it?

"This has really been bothering you for a while hasn't it?" Kakashi's voice was gentle but it wasn't because he was talking down to me. And it wasn't that careful tone he used when he was trying not to push me over the edge. I knew he cared and I started to feel a little foolish again.

"Yeah, I guess. It's just not fair," I mumbled halfheartedly. My voice was really quiet and when I shrugged, he squeezed my shoulder gently. Of all the people that had come into my life, Kakashi was one of the most important.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that I just came from Tsunade's office and that she has a mission for you? It'll give you a chance to get out of the village for a while."

"What? _Right now_?" I jerked away and looked at him with a little bit of panic. He seemed honestly surprised.

"I thought you just said you wanted to go on a mission and you were tired of being cooped up here."

"But, right now. . .I'm just. . ." I bit my lip. "It's just that Gaara's here and I never get to see him."

His eye did that crinkly thing again. I wasn't really sure how much he knew about how close Gaara and I had gotten. But maybe I was reading too much into that look. Kakashi chuckled.

"Then I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that you'll be escorting him back to Suna."

"Really?" I brightened but it turned into a frown almost immediately. It was bad enough that the council underestimated me and sometimes treated me like crap. I wouldn't let them do it to Gaara too. He deserved more respect than that. "Wait. Does he really need an escort? He's Kazekage. He can take care of himself and he's got his siblings with him."

"Perhaps escort was the wrong word. Tsunade's sending a team to evaluate Suna's testing area. But if you don't want to go-"

"No no! I mean, yes! I do. I really do." There was no way I'd pass up this opportunity. "Uh, when are we leaving?" Gaara had said he'd been here three days and unless something had changed, we still had two more left.

"Tomorrow. There are still a few more details that need to be discussed but the timetable was moved up. You'll need to get ready for the trip." Kakashi tiled his head. "But you look like you've got some free time on your hands at the moment. Maybe you'd like to train for a little while."

I felt a grin spread across my face. "Yeah! But wait? Don't we need Yamato Taichou for that?" I didn't like the restriction but I wouldn't risk hurting anybody.

"Not necessarily. No clones today, just some good old one on one sparring."

I blinked. One on one with Kakashi. Coming from him, that was a pretty awesome compliment. He was one of the best ninjas I knew and he didn't waste his time sparring with just anybody. I'd finally gotten the bells from him with Sakura when I came back from training with Pervy Sage. And now I could show him what I could really do.

I grinned. "Let's do it."

. . . . . . .

When I headed home late in the afternoon, I was just as tired as yesterday but not nearly as dirty. Kakashi had some serious moves on him and he'd actually kept the book in his pouch the whole time so I knew he'd been paying attention. Before getting to my apartment, I popped into Ichiraku to order some delivery. Of all the places in Konoha, I'd always felt the most welcome at the restaurant. Even before people started to accept me, Teuchi always smiled when I came in and he considered me his best customer. Right now, he was grinning as I told him what I wanted. Miso with pork was an absolute favorite of mine but the gizzard was totally for Gaara. he'd gotten me to try it one time and I thought it was kind of gross when. But he liked it.

I wasn't quite sure when Gaara would be done for the day so I asked for the ramen to be delivered a little later. That would also give me a chance to get cleaned up too. I made one last stop to pick up a new kettle. When I got home, I got all the way into the kitchen before I realized that the lock on my door had been fixed. I went back out and looked at the mended door and then down at the key in my hand. Backtracking down the stairs, I took a breath before knocking on the door to the apartment below mine. I wasn't used to people helping me and I wasn't quite sure what to say. When it opened, a little old man stood squinting up at me.

"Eh? Who're you?" he asked, blinking up at me as if he were trying to figure out where he'd seen me before. I knew those kind of looks and I braced myself for when it to turned into disgust.

"Who's there, Dad?" Another man who looked like a younger version of the guy who answered came to the door. When he saw me, he actually smiled. "Oh. Hello, Naruto."

I just blinked at him in surprise. I'd seen him before as I was coming and going to my place but I don't think we'd ever really said anything to each other. "Uh, hi," I said as I tried not to fidget.

"Dad, this is Naruto. He's the one who helped Mia's village when they were in trouble last spring."

"Naruto? The fox boy?" The old man's eyes narrowed as his mouth twisted in a frown.

I swallowed hard. This is what I'd been afraid of. Any minute now he would glare and start cursing at me and tell me to go away. But before I could retreat, his face broke into a happy smile that threw me completely off guard. "Any friend of my niece is a friend of mine. Come in, come in."

I lingered out on the doorstep hesitantly, suddenly aware that I was kind of grubby and unkempt from sparring earlier. "I, um. I can't stay really. I just came to thank you for fixing my lock. And for the eggs this morning," I added as I remembered breakfast. "You didn't have to-"

"Pfft." The old man cut me off and waved it away as he headed further into the apartment. "No trouble at all. We're neighbors. Neighbors help each other out."

That was new to me. But then so many things were when it came to how other people acted. When it came down to it, I didn't really understand people as much as I wanted to. But I was going to learn. I'd never get anywhere if I didn't understand the people around me. The younger man's eyes flicked from his father back to me with what looked like an amused expression. But then it turned serious.

"I'd like to apologize," he said quietly.

I blinked, totally at a loss. "What for?"

He was surprised at first by my reaction and then he almost looked a little embarrassed. "I have not always been kind to you. And for no good reason." He cleared his throat. "I let rumors color my opinion and affect my actions without really getting to know you. I'd like to ask for your forgiveness."

I honestly couldn't really remember any specific thing that he had to be sorry about. Everybody in the village used to give me dirty looks and after a while, I just got used to it. And I think everybody here in the apartment building had yelled at me at least once for being annoying, but mostly it was because I was being loud. He sounded honestly sorry.

"It's okay." My first impulse was to shrug it off but he was being really serious and that didn't feel quite right. So I was honest. "All I want is to be able to protect the village."

His expression was a little baffled, like he didn't quite know what to make of me. "You're nothing like I expected. To be who you are after the way we treated you." He might have continued but the old man came shuffling back out with a small covered plate.

"My niece just sent another batch of cookies today." He held out the plate to me with that happy smile still on his face. "Share them with that nice young man I met this morning."

I wondered idly if he knew that nice young man was actually the Kazekage. Smiling back, I took the plate and resisted the urge to eat a cookie right that second. "Thanks." Looking back to his son, I grinned. "No worries. We're good."

When I got back upstairs, I paused outside my door. The whole exchange from downstairs suddenly struck me and it released a deep knot in my chest that I hadn't even realized was there. I'd worked so hard to get people to acknowledge me, to acknowledge that I had a right to exist. Iruka Sensei had been the first. He'd seen something in me and reached out when no one else would. He'd apologized to me too but that had been in the middle of a fight. There had been no grand battles here. It was just simple caring from one person to another. My throat started to get a little tight and my vision swam.

"Naruto?" Gaara came to a stop at the top of the stairs and was watching me carefully.

I no idea how long I'd been standing there staring at the plate in my hands. Holding it out, I gave him a watery smile. "Want a cookie?"

He smiled quietly in return as he came forward to take the plate from my hands and drew me inside the apartment to the kitchen. He set the plate on the table and cupped my face in his hands. "Are you alright?"

I sniffed and reached out to wrap my arms around his waist and rested my forehead against his. He'd asked me that question the night before and I'd told him no. But last night seemed so far away right now.

"Yeah. I'm good." I was better than good, actually. Rationally, I knew that there were still people that didn't like me all that much. But for the first time, winning them over didn't seem like such an impossible task. Sure, I'd helped the guy's niece. But other than that, I hadn't really done all that much. It was more like he really looked at me for the first time and saw that I wasn't actually a monster.

Pulling Gaara closer to me, I kissed him. It was just a press of lips at first but it slowly grew into something more. I was happy right now. Up until this point, I'd only ever been able to share my sadness and pain with Gaara. I wanted to offer something more, something joyful and precious. He responded and moved closer as his fingers slid up to thread through my hair.

When we pulled apart, that small smile was still on his face. "I was going to ask you how your day went but I suppose that's answer enough."

"It wasn't really the day itself," I told him. My problems were not completely gone and there was still so much work to be done. But right in this moment, it was okay. I was content. "I'm just figuring some things out."

Before Gaara had arrived yesterday, I'd worried about how our relationship was going to work. When we'd first been together before, it had been impulsive and passionate, but natural in a way I don't think either of us really understood at the time. I'd been worried that things would become awkward if we had too much time to think about what we were doing. And I'd been doing a lot of thinking in the last few months. We'd both grown up so alone that neither of us had much experience dealing with other people. How could we possibly last? But looking into his pale, green-blue eyes, I knew we'd be alright. That natural feeling was still there. We _fit_ together.

We were both startled by a knock on the door. I let out a shaky breath that turned into a quiet laugh. "That would be dinner. We never did get a chance to go out to Ichiraku last night."

"We could have gone out tonight," Gaara said, cocking his head to the side.

I looked into his eyes again and squeezed him in a hug. When I spoke, it came out as a whisper. "I don't want to share you with anyone."

Maybe it was selfish of me. Gaara was the Kazekage and he belonged to his people. It was the same way I would belong to Konoha when I became Hokage. But right now, in this moment, he was mine. The pale skin of his cheeks flushed bright pink and his gaze shifted away from me. I kissed his cheek before releasing him to answer the door. Ayame stood waiting with the noodles.

"Here you go, Naruto," she said with a smile. She had always been as nice to me as her dad.

I thanked her and took everything back inside, so could I start pulling the covered bowls out of the carrier. Gaara had washed the new kettle and put water on to boil for tea. When I handed him the ramen with gizzard, he looked at me and blushed again. It was such a simple thing. He knew that I didn't like it and that I'd gotten it just for him. The expression was adorable and it made me want to figure out how to make him do it again.

"So how was _your_ day?" I asked him when we settled down to eat.

"Relatively uneventful but a learning experience all the same. Tsunade is. . ." He trailed off as if he were thinking of how to say it.

"Unreasonable, really freaking loud, and sometimes violent when she doesn't agree with something?" I offered with a smirk.

The corner of Gaara's mouth twitched like he was fighting not to smile. Probably because he thought it would be rude to agree even if it was funny. "I wouldn't phrase it quite like that."

"That's because you're way more polite than me." I shrugged. "But you know it's true. She looked like she was about ready to literally toss me out of the window the other day when I started to argue with her."

"She's frustrated. She's forced to spend a great deal of time fighting the council members as they try to outmaneuver and manipulate her."

"I figure you'd be familiar with that kind of thing." There was a quiet sigh and I immediately wished I hadn't said it. "Sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No, don't be sorry. You're right." Gaara studied his bowl before looking back up at me. "I value the council members' opinions because they have more experience than I do. And I don't think it would be good for any Kage to have absolute power over their village. But there are times when they think they know better just because of that experience which may not always be the case." He took another deep breath. "There are times when it is extremely difficult to do my job."

"Do you ever regret it?"

"No." His answer was immediate and firm. I hadn't expected anything less but part of me did wonder.

"Are you having second thoughts about becoming Hokage?" he asked me.

"No." My answer was no less definite than his had been. Being Hokage had always been my dream. At first, it was a fantasy when I was young and alone. There was no way people could refuse to acknowledge me in that position. But it had turned into something else since then. It was a way to protect the village and everyone in it. No matter what had happened in the past, they mattered to me.

"It's sill what I want. Nothing will change that." It really was what I wanted but it did make me think. "You know," I said. "Tsunade never really wanted the job."

"Really?" Gaara seemed mildly surprised by that.

"Yeah. Jiraiya and I had to hunt her down and when we finally found her, she said no." I smiled as I remembered. "I'm pretty sure the council tried to give it to him first and he was probably trying to find a way to get out of it."

"From what I understand, their relationship can be rather. . .volatile. How did he finally convince her?" Gaara's understanding of people and how they behaved was better than mine, but I think relationships still confused him.

"I don't know, really. She was talking some serious trash when I first met her. She had no respect for the position and I didn't really like her much. Then she bet me that I couldn't master the Rasengan in a week." I frowned. "Then things got weird. Orochimaru and Kabuto showed up and there was a huge fight. When it was over, she finally agreed to be Hokage but I'm not really sure what changed her mind."

Gaara's gazed was fixed on me like he knew something that I didn't. It was a strange look that was warm with a little bit of wonder, almost like the look my downstairs neighbor had given me earlier.

"What?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "Nothing." Reaching across the table, he took my hand. But the touch wasn't meant to be consoling like it had been the night before. His fingers were warm and I felt the tingle of the contact travel up my arm. Instead of ripping across my body like an electric shock, it wrapped around my heart like a soft blanket. Heat warmed my face and I felt a sappy grin pull at my mouth.

"I'm glad you came for a visit." And I really was. I'd been feeling a little lost and I was finally starting to feel like I was finding my way again. I'd been worried that Gaara and I would have to start all over again when it came to what hovered between us. I wondered if was all passion and impulse. But of course, I knew it wasn't.

I loved him.

Completely.

Utterly.

Without question.

Putting my chopsticks aside, I got up and moved around the table so I was right next to Gaara's chair. He tilted his face up and gazed up at me with a quiet adoration that ordinarily would have made me feel a little weird. But it felt right. Leaning down, I pressed my lips to his. I tasted ramen and Gaara. My two favorite things.

"I love you," I murmured against his mouth.

He paused as if the words surprised him. They shouldn't have because we'd both said them before. In fact, he'd said them first. Of course, he'd been a little loopy with fever at the time but I was pretty sure that just pushed aside his inhibitions since he didn't have the concentration to over-think it. If he thought that I'd changed my mind about us and that I didn't feel the same way, I'd just have to show him otherwise. I drew him up out of the chair wrapped my arms around him. He always felt so good against me. I couldn't imagine not being close to him, not touching him, not tasting him. All I'd had for months was letters, memories, and my imagination. I was more than ready to indulge in the reality.


End file.
